so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
