If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize