Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
