So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
