i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
