i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
