It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
