dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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