Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
