pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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