I just pynch a tree in the face
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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