RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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