Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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