i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
