How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
