and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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