woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize