You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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