things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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