Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
