What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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