why didn't you poke me back
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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