how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Be still, my beating vagina.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
