Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize