sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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