I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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