I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You pole danced in your parka.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
