My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
