Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this will be a night to untag.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
