You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
