My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize