Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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