in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
