I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize