Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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