What a fucking waste of an outfit
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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