I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
