I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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