He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize