also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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