so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
