woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
