after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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