What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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