Duck Duck Cougar?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize