you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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