I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
