i barfeds in our rink
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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