I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
