So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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