I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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