Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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