if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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