you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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