he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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