that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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