I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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