Where is the hickey?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
