Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
