every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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