I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
