I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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