Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
