my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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