i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
