I feel like abortions should bother me more
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
is it fun? or sober?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
