Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize