if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
