508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
