also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
