Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
