I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
