somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
