oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
