Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
