No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
