Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
