i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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