wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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