Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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