your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
