He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
