And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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