hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
