I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
