I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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