youre lurking in front of me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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