Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
