Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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