I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
