True but thats because hes a fetus.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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