dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
