I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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