he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
