I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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