Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
