so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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