Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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