Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
