I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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