sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
