i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
