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Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
