My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
