I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize